horoscopes

Aries That pain in your shoulder? It’s just your body’s way of telling you that carrying your savings around as coins so the CIA can’t hack your bank account details isn’t the best idea you’ve ever had. Instead, the stars suggest you consider a cheque or savings account with a major bank plus a low interest credit card with low or no annual card fees. Lucky number: anything under 10%. Taurus Your coffee order says more about you than you…

Aries New Year, new you, right Aries? Well, sort of. This is New Zealand, so the best thing you could possibly to do support our grass-based economy is to start 2017 with a new ewe. Depending on where you live, Trade Me has them for under $100 and unlike a puppy, when you get bored with it you can just eat it. Taurus If 2016 has gotten you down, Taurus, well you’re not alone. Trump! Brexit! Toblerone increasing the size…

Aries Earthquakes! Political turmoil! Unsightly hair in those hard to reach places! If it feels like there’s nothing the universe hasn’t thrown at you lately, Aries, then you’re not alone. Oscillations in the moon’s orbit, coupled with a particularly long run of dry weather around Dannevirke, mean your business and personal lives are unlikely to bring you much happiness this month. On the other hand, Lindauer is often on special in the lead up to Christmas, so there’s always that.…

Aries Like fellow Aries Donald Trump, former Reserve Bank Governor Don Brash and Ron Howard from television’s Happy Days, you face a month of change and challenge. The main challenge? Finding enough change to make it through the day. Top tip: look behind the sofa cushions. Just ignore the old Doritos. Taurus Smashed avocado looms green and delicious in your short term future, Taurus. Tasty breakfast treat rich in good oils, or potent metaphor for Gen Y’s inability to prioritise…

Aries As Saturn reaches its closest point to Earth this month, the wise Aries will be thinking about kindness to others, avoiding foods starting with P, and paying off that pesky credit card debt before Christmas kicks in. Lucky number: any single-digit interest rate. Taurus An ascendant Shatner’s Bassoon, coupled with some instability in the Euro, could mean great things for the canny Taurus. Invest wisely now and you’re sure to reap the benefits in the New Year. Or just…